One time during homeschooling, a conversation got brought up that I have wrestled with in my own head for yearrrrs.
[ I am SO curious what your thoughts are on this one!]
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Here’s the background info:
Teaching my kids about resiliency and building a mindset that serves them well is *super* important to me.
Heck, we’re a military family!
This military life – which I find so beautiful and am so stinking grateful for – requires resilience.
With that in mind, we’d start our school days with what I called “morning mindset.”
The kids had journals they worked in where they would answer prompts around mindset and resilience, then we’d talk about it.
— BTW – this is one of the things I love about homeschooling; the ability to design and build your days on purpose, with intention, and include things that your family is passionate about.
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Enter: Morning Mindset time 😉. —
Manning, 12 years old, was asked in a journal prompt to consider his life 10 years from now and answer questions like,
“What do you want to be?”
“What do you want to do?”
“Where do you want to live?”
“What are your major goals?”
….
You get the picture….
“Mom,” he said, “I don’t know the answers to these questions…”
~This is where I’d love to pour the coffee for you and ask what your thoughts are on these kinds of questions!
As for me, what do I think?
How did I answer my son’s question…?
(You know enough about me to know that I answered him the honest truth for me…)
“Me neither, bud… I have no idea either.”
And then off we went, down a winding road of conversation with good questions and not many answers, but I’ll tell you this with straight-up honesty:
I hate the idea that we’re wrong if we don’t have our whole life figured out by the time we’re 12 (or 18… or 25… or…)
For YEARS I felt like there was something wrong with me, that these are the questions I’m supposed to have an answer to build a “life plan” or have a successful job interview, and I never could answer them specifically.
Am I doomed forever because I don’t know where I’ll be in 10 years or what I’ll be doing?
Does that mean that I don’t care or that I’m squandering my life?
If I’ve learned much of anything over the last 20 years of this military life, I can tell you this for CERTAIN:
There’s no way to know where you’ll be in 10 years, or what you’ll be doing, or even who you’ll have around for that matter…
No.Way.
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I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t answer those questions, and honestly, when I think about it, I don’t know that I’d want to.
How boring would life be if there was no adventure and unknown?
How lame would it be to actually have a play-by-play plan for life?
There was once a time when I thought that’s what I wanted – to know how this whole thing would go.
I felt like a failure because I didn’t have those answers and I didn’t know how to get them.
As soon as I thought I was close to discovering my “plan,” almost as if on cue, something would happen and our whole life would change again.
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I know our military lifestyle isn’t something everyone shares, but who am I kidding? YOU know what it’s like to have “life happen” and plans change, don’t you?
This is the nature of real life.
Some of the things we’re told to do sure does feel like chasing the wind to me…
I choose not to play that game with my head and heart anymore.
I don’t see it as a hindrance to not know my 10 year plan or my whole life plan.
I see it as an invitation to wonder and awe and trust through all the unexpected, windy roads life takes me down…
Like the unexpected 10 years we got to live in Montana & how Mike and I, newlyweds, learned how to love well there…
Like the unknown assignment overseas where our whole life shifted and we gained an appreciation for a slower pace of life than most Americans never lean into…
Like the surprise dream-promotion for Mike…
Like the unwanted move to Las Vegas where Sin City had such love and grace for us…
Like the times we’ve been brokenhearted over unexpected loss and hurts and things we couldn’t fix…
Nobody could have had a plan for any of that, and every single one of those things shaped our lives in ways words cannot explain.
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Because of all these things, I’ve learned to choose wonder over worry.
Choosing wonder over worry about the unknown is an intentional mindset, and it’s available to every one of us.
If you’re struggling with figuring out your grand life purpose or plan, take heart.
No one has it all figured out.
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What’s my advice?
I’d simply say this:
Do the most sincere-to-your-soul thing you can do with what you’ve got, wherever you are.
Let doing that be your plan.
Then trust that as you go along, the next thing will unfold, and you’ll find yourself evolving and growing and leaning into it…
And just keep doing the most sincere-to-your-soul thing in each and every season of life.
This is the story of real life, isn’t it?
I don’t know about you, but when I quit trying to chase the wind, I find breathing room.
My heart and mind find rest.
I don’t feel like I’m missing out on the magic secret to life.
I don’t feel like I’m behind on my own life…
I live more fully and freely, right where I am.
—And these are all the kinds of things I told my son.
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I know it’s not the popular thing to do and it goes against all the things the experts say you need to do, but I’m not running in their race.
I’m not trying to live the life they told me to aim for.
I’m trying to live and love my real life, wherever the winding roads take me.
Right now, I find myself tapping away on a keyboard, sending a message from my heart to other people around the world… all in hopes that somehow these words help them find hope & peace & love for their very real life, wherever they are and whatever their dreams are. Not because I have a ten year plan to dominate the world through my blog posts, but simply because this is the most sincere-to-my-soul thing to do right now with the opportunities that I have.
