As Americans, we highly prize the idea of happiness. 

We know that our freedom to pursue it has been bought at a high price, and for many of us, we don’t want to squander the opportunity. 

We want to lean into it because 1) we want to honor this gift we’ve been given, but 2) we know innately that we’ve been hardwired for “more.”

The problem is, we don’t know what “more” is.

When we’re asked to define our idea of happiness, it’s hard to nail down. 

We’re sold countless ideas of things we’re told will make us happier – we all know that, don’t we?

 For crying out loud- turn on the tv or scroll through your social media feed, and it won’t take long for you to be hit with targeted ads that exploit your weakness or secret desires. 

There are the ads that promise the pathway to your perfect weight (because that’s what you’ll need to achieve in order to be happy). 

There are the ads that shine with the sparkle of new jewelry or accessories that will set you apart from the crowd and ensure you get the attention you want, because, after all – that’s what you need to be happy. 

The perfect vacation destination is sure to wash away all your problems with every salty wave that caresses your toes as you sit on the beach drinking Bahama Mamas… because, of course – you need to escape reality in order to be happy.

And of course, there’s the tried & true ad showcasing the state-of-the-art luxury vehicle… the one that hugs the road like a finely fitted dress draping down a supermodel’s body. The car is always smooth, perfectly tuned for the driver’s every need. It effortlessly coasts over a beautiful, scenic road that quietly boasts the idea of freedom… and that car, of course, is what you need in order to be happy.

The problem is, that’s all crap. 

Lies.

The even bigger problem is, we all know that but we keep playing the game of lies hoping that it’ll somehow break wide open for us and we’ll be redeemed with the sweet victory of perpetual happiness. 

There was a study that went on for over 30 years that included 27 European countries and the affect of advertising on their citizens. They found that the higher the amount of advertising, the less happy their people were. In fact, the negative effect it had on some actually dropped their life satisfaction scores to about half of what most people experience if going through a divorce. 

You guys, listen – that is a major life shift! 

Divorce is one of the most painful things a person can go through… and they’re saying that the affect of advertising – the stuff that’s put in your face every day – can make you feel the half negative experience of a divorce… which is a LOT!!!

I’ve got to give it to us – my fellow Americans – we are a people of great hope!

We love to hope that we’ll be the exception to the rule. 

That somehow we will be the ones to discover perfect bliss inside a car (that we just took a loan out on that’s going to bury us financially). 

Or somehow we’re going to be the one to go on a tropical vacation and have our whole mindset re-set and we’ll live in a state of “paradise bliss” forever and ever… 

It all sounds so nice, but here in the real world, that’s never going to happen.

I’ve said it a million times and I’ll keep repeating myself: if anything is going to change, we have to work with the truth. 

And the truth is, with as much as we want a constant state of All-American Happiness, we’re never going to get it.

Let me say it again:

You’re never going to reach a point in life where you are HAPPY 100% all of the time.

Some folks hear that and they feel defeated. “What’s the use?”

But then there’s the people who let themselves sit in the discomfort of that truth for a second – they let the idea of it bounce around in their mind – and then they find this new sense of…freedom. 

There’s an inner “release” of sorts because they finally come to grips with the truth that life will always be a grab-bag of “happy” and “not so happy.” 

In other words, if permanent happiness isn’t even possible, then it’s time to stop feeling like our life is awful when we don’t feel over-the-moon happy. 

It’s not something we wish for but it’s true to the human experience no matter who you are: hard times and suffering always find a way to knock on our door.

There’s no escaping it.

There’s no amount of money, or status, or college degrees that’ll make that untrue for you.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman … It doesn’t matter what color your skin is, what language you speak, where you come from – or where you’re going for that matter.

Pain and suffering is inescapable for all of us, and with that, we can know without a shadow of a doubt that it’s impossible to expect or even pursue a life of complete happiness all the time.

The answer can’t be how do I rid my life of pain or negative emotion, since we know that’s not possible this side of heaven. 

The answer is found in learning how to accept the things you can’t control and choosing to leverage them for good in your life and the life of others. Not that the things that happen are good; it’s just that you’re taking the power from those things and using it for something that actually makes the world a better place.

I encourage – no, I exhort you, my fellow Americans – pursue happiness in this way.

There’s a funny thing that happens when we learn to work with the truth and decide not to let the things we can’t control be the deciders of our fate: we get a dose of that happiness we were looking for. 

No death-dealing car loan needed.

No temporary tropical escape necessary. 

…

As it turns out, the truth really does set you free.